Significance of The Mother-Daughter Relationship
The Mother-Daughter Bond
Our mothers are our first relationship; they are ‘vital’ in our lives.
We create a bond with our mothers before we even enter the world.
And the bond we create carries an immense amount of weight.
While in our mother’s womb, growing up and throughout our lives, we look to our mothers for guidance, approval, unconditional love, understanding, physical and emotional nurturing, safety and protection.
If we do not get our fundamental—critical—needs met by our mother, it negatively impacts the way we are shaped into adults.
It impacts our identity and sense of self, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, self-love, self-acceptance, how we perceive and treat ourselves on a constant basis, how we love and view our bodies, the way we communicate, show up in conflict, hold boundaries, how we navigate our relationships and more.
And when our fundamental (critical) needs go unmet by our mother, it results in mother wounds and possibly traumas.
Mother wounds (and traumas), live silently within us, but impact our every day lives and relationships.
The Impact of Mother Wounds
When we have an insecure attachment with our mother, starting in the womb and thru our upbringing, it can result in mother wounds and/or traumas that impact every area of our lives.
Definition of a Mother Wound: Psychological, emotional, physical pain or trauma experienced as result of an unhealthy relationship with your mother.
Mother Wound Examples:
Emotional Neglect: Not allowed to identify, feel, express emotions
Overbearing/Controlling: Controlls you, your choices/opinions, behaviors, identity
Critical or Abusive: Verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive; criticism, belittling, hitting
Manipulative/Narcissistic: Her needs/desires are prioritized over your well-being; manipulates to get her needs met
Unresolved Trauma: Mother (unknowingly) passes her unhealed pain, wounds and traumas onto her daughter
Favoritism/Sibling Rivalry: Shows favoritism towards siblings or pits you against your sibling
Symptoms of Mother Wounds:
Low self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth, insecuritiese, self-doubt
Self-sabotaging behaviors, hyper-critical of one self, hyper-active inner critic, shame, blame, judging oneself
Always striving to achieve, fulfill something, fill a void or emptiness
Relationship insecurities, challenges, issues, dysfunction
Lack of self-respect, self-honor
Lack of self-prioritization and self-compassion
Lack of boundaries
Lack of self-trust; struggle with decision making
Codependency
Inability to be vulnerable; unable to identify, feel, express emotions
Communication struggles
Unable to foster healthy conflict
Lacking inner peace
In severe cases, depression and anxiety
Why it’s Critical to Break Free From Your
Unhealthy Attachment
If you have an unhealthy, insecure attachment with your mother, you are living in some level of internal pain, conflict, dysfunction─ impacting your well-being, relationship with yourself and with others—and your life.
Until you break and heal your unhealthy attachment—your struggles will persist.
And if you have a unhealthy relationship with yourself, you are unable to create healthy relationships with others. Building healthy relationships starts with the relationship with YOU.
And if you are a mother or planning to have children, it’s likely you are or will parent your daughter/children the same unhealthy way you were parented─ fostering an insecure attachment and insecure daughter/children.
Lastly, this cycle of dysfunction will continue—from generation to generation─until you decide to action and break your unhealthy mother attachment.
Breaking the Unhealthy Attachment and Heal
First, you need to come to terms that you have an unhealthy dynamic with your mother and the relationship is negatively impacting you and your life.
Next, research a mother-daughter relationship coach or therapist who can safely and compassionately guide and support you on your healing journey.
Your mother does not have to be involved nor aware of the work you are doing to break your attachment and heal. You can break the attachment and heal without your mother’s participation. And if you would like to include your mother and feel she may be receptive to this work, you can absolutely include your mother at any point in the process.
While each person’s upbringing and healing journey is unique, everyone’s journey will include breaking the unhealthy mother attachment and healing their mother wounds.
The healing journey is comprised of small, delicate steps. It is not a quick process, but instead a loving, compassionate one─always honoring you, where you are at, ensuring you are safe and supported─each step of the way.