Why Your Boundary, People-Pleasing and Emotional Struggles May Be Due To—The Mother Wound
If you’ve ever felt like you’re not “good enough” no matter what you achieve, or found yourself endlessly people-pleasing, overdoing, or struggling to set boundaries in your relationships — you’re not alone.
These struggles aren’t something you created or caused. They may stem from something much deeper: the Mother Wound.
The Mother Wound is an invisible hold placed on women from childhood, keeping us small, stuck, silent, confused, and trapped in unhealthy patterns — often without even knowing who we truly are.
This brief YouTube video by Oprah Daily, titled “Dr. Anita Phillips Breaks Down the Mother Wound for Oprah and Brooke Shields,” provides a quick view into the concept of the Mother Wound.
How we are raised by our mothers profoundly shapes us into adulthood.
☕ Grab your favorite beverage, take a deep breath, settle in, and let’s have a talk.
What Exactly Is the Mother Wound?
The Mother Wound is the deep-seated emotional pain and patterns that form when a mother — knowingly or unknowingly — cannot fully meet her daughter’s core emotional needs. This shapes how she sees herself in her relationships, at work, and in the world around her.
These core needs include, but are not limited to:
Unconditional love
Emotional nurturing and safety
Healthy boundaries
Encouragement and support
When these needs consistently go unmet, we inherit Mother Wounds that can last a lifetime — if they remain undetected and unhealed.
Women carrying Mother Wounds often bear emotional burdens without realizing it, experiencing behaviors, beliefs, and patterns that limit them, hurt them, and keep them stuck.
How the Mother Wound Shows Up in Your Life
As discussed in Psychology Today’s article titled “Mending the Mother Wound,” the Mother Wound can be deeply ingrained in your daily life, affecting your relationships, career, and personal well-being.
Here are some common ways the Mother Wound manifests:
Unhealthy Relationship Patterns — Feeling emotionally drained by relationships that don’t serve you or repeating unhealthy dynamics.
Perfectionism & Self-Doubt — Feeling like you must constantly prove your worth, or believing you’re not enough, no matter how much you achieve.
People-Pleasing & Boundary Issues — Struggling to put yourself first, saying “yes” when you really want to say “no,” and feeling guilty when you set boundaries.
Emotional Walls — Fear of vulnerability keeps you guarded, or you struggle with expressing emotions.
Imposter Syndrome & Career Blocks — Holding yourself back from stepping into your full potential due to fear of rejection or not being good enough.
Self-Sabotage — Holding yourself back from what you truly desire, being overly self-critical and judgmental.
Comparison or Competition w/Others — Seeking worth through outperforming others or feeling inferior because you believe you lack something.
Trust Issues — Fear of betrayal or abandonment makes trusting others difficult .
Struggle to Advocate for yourself — Second-guessing your abilities and hesitating to step into leadership roles.
Difficulty Asking for What You Want — Feeling uncomfortable negotiating for raises, promotions, or even speaking up.
Carrying Emotional Weight — Feeling responsible for others’ happiness and struggling with guilt when prioritizing yourself.
💡 Does any of this resonate with you? If so, take a deep breath. You are not alone, and nothing is wrong with you.
It’s estimated that more than 70% of women carry some level of mother wounding — without realizing it.
✨ The good news? You can heal every single one.
My Journey with the Mother Wound
For years, I had no idea…
…how much my relationship with my mother and my upbringing had shaped me — how deeply it influenced the way I saw myself, showed up in relationships, and moved through life.
I was the “good girl” — always agreeable, always doing the right thing, always making sure I didn’t disappoint.
I silenced my own needs, believing worth and approval had to be earned through self-sacrifice.
I learned to bury my emotions because expressing them felt unsafe or unwelcome.
I became the one who handled everything on her own, never asking for help, never admitting (or even realizing) when I was struggling. I was emotionally disconnected from myself — always focused on looking outward, never inward — just as I had been taught.
This was how my whole family functioned.
I thought my worth came from how much I did for others — always saying “yes,” overextending myself, and seeking approval at the expense of my own well-being.
But over time, exhaustion, anxiety, frustration, and quiet confusion began to build up.
I felt disconnected — from myself, from others, from the life I truly wanted.
Until I finally started to unravel the patterns.
Healing my Mother Wounds wasn’t about judgment or blame.
It was about understanding and compassion.
It was about breaking free from old, inherited beliefs that kept me small, silent, and held back.
It was about finally learning how to choose myself.
And that’s exactly what I help women do today — get clear, break free, and choose themselves.
If any of this feels familiar…
If you’ve spent your life trying to prove your worth, suppressing your true feelings or desires, or struggling to set boundaries to honor yourself —
I want you to know:
You are not alone.
And you don’t have to keep carrying this unsustainable weight.
The First Step to Healing: Awareness & Acknowledgement
Healing your Mother Wound isn’t about blaming your mother or judging yourself.
It’s about curiosity, compassion, understanding, and love.
👉 That’s why I created:
The Mother Wound Awakening™: 6-Week Mini-Mastermind
This virtual intimate, guided group coaching journey is designed to help you uncover deep-rooted patterns, gain self-awareness, and begin healing, so you can step into the core essence of who you really are, without limitations.
Because this is an intimate experience, spots are limited to only SIX women.
🚀 Limited to only 6 women for an intimate experience.
📅 Enrollment closes: April 15, 2025
If you’re feeling the inner pull—now is the time to take the next step.
With love and healing,
Heidi Carlson
Certified Master Life Coaching | Helping Women Heal the Mother Wound
Heidi Carlson Coaching